Intimidation

Intimidate:

1. to make timid; fill with fear

2. to overawe or cow, as through the force of personality or by superior display of wealth, talent, etc.

3. to force into or deter from some action by inducing fear: to intimidate a voter into staying away from the polls.

Living in a foreign country can be very intimidating, especially at the beginning. You don't know the language, how to get around, and if you want to not look like a pig in a tutu in a herd of zebras, you have to "get" the culture. You can sometimes feel like "all eyes are on the foreigner to see what insane thing they will say or do next." It can be intimidating.

Once you get some language going, know where you're going and figure out that if you don't make the conductor sell you a ticket on the bus, then some scary looking man will confront you and scream at you because you haven't paid, you start feeling some confidence when you are out and about.

But that tiny bit of confidence will continually be challenged by the everyday people you will interact with on a daily business.

People who grew up or lived in the Soviet Union lived in a culture with an under current of fear and instability. So when interacting with others, especially strangers, it is sometimes more easy to intimidate them. This didn't do much for their customer service ratings, but it gave them the upper hand in the situation.

Example A:

Bread shops are notoriously known for intimidating women working behind the counters. In an effort to not go into my local mini super market where I usually buy bread because they are doing so much remodeling that there is a permanent haze of dust and one needs to wear a hard hat to navigate their way through and over the steel beams lying on the floor, I decided to buy bread at a shop in my market.

I get in line behind a babushka and she asks the shop lady for a "baton." A loaf of white bread.

Shop keeper: (She grunts and goes to pick up a loaf and lays it down on the counter.)

Babushka: "How much is it?"

Shopkeeper: "Four hrivnyas" (Intimidating attitude that could sink a ship the size of Queen Mary. This attitude is projected towards the babushka and everyone in a 3 feet radius)

Babushka: "Four hrivnyas?!" (Intimidating attitude thrown back. translation: "Four hrivnyas is too much to charge for a loaf of bread!")

Shop keeper: (Another grunt but louder and scarier this time.)

Babushka: (Puts money down)

Shop keeper: (Big dramatic sigh, then a dramatic pause. Another big sigh. She is preparing already for the intimidating factor to be in place for me.)

Babushka: "Can I have a bag?" (Each loaf should be put in a bag at no extra charge.)

Shop keeper: (Even BIGGER sigh. She then dramatically reaches down and pulls one out.)

Babushka: (Not to be intimidated by the fact that she did not automatically receive her loaf in a bag she reaches into her purse and slowly counts out some change. She's making a point here.) "Here's some money."

Shop keeper: No, no! (Her intimidating attitude swells higher at the indignation of having someone try to buy a bag for a loaf of bread which should come with it anyway!)

Babushka leaves.

The shop keeper looks up and sees me standing there with a stupid, foreign, friendly smile on my face and gives me the most intimidating, scary look I've seen in quite a while.

I confidently say, "Baton, PLEASE"

(Okay I look confident, but am definitely sweating inside my coat)

The smile and the word "please" immediately confuses her intimidating attempt to control her customer. She falters.

She hands me the loaf of bread and looks at me carefully and warily. (Remember when I said those foreigners may say or do any crazy thing? I just did.)

I say, "Thank you." and do not ask her to put the loaf in a bread bag. I am too intimidated. I admit it.

She didn't offer me a bag either.